New Banner

Thanks to Daniel for the new banner. Not that I had an old one, just words, and not that I would have made one for a while, and not that it would have been as good anyway, so we're all happy. It's much better than what was there.

I'm not even a maniac, it just sounded cool at the time.

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

Yeah, you've probably been inundated with information about Heath Ledger, but I'm adding my little post on the matter and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you stop me.

I don't actually have much to say about him that hasn't been said, except that he was actually a really talented guy, who, like a couple other actors I could name, seemed just to be another 'Teen Hearthrob' (got a hate that phrase) but with roles in things Brokeback Mountain showed how awesome he really was. Allegedly, I never actually saw Brokeback Mountain. I know, I suck. I'll see it eventually. Anyway, though I'd liked numerous roles the guy was in what really impressed me was the trailer for 'The Dark Knight' where he played The Joker. Yeah I'd had second thoughts on whether he should play it, preferring someone like Crispin Glover or Mark Hamil, but watch the trailer and you'll realise just how good he really is.

So yeah, if you haven't, go watch the trailer for 'The Dark Knight' which Heath Ledger fortunatly finished filming, and look forward to what will sadly be his last movie. Unless the one he was part way through filming when he died comes out, which you won't be surprised to learn was being directed by Terry Gilliam. That guy just never gets a break does he.

Anyway go here to get the Dark Knight Trailer.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/thedarkknight/trailer2/

The sad state of the horror genre.

I'm a horror movie fan. A fan of the horror movie genre. The sad thing is, this is a fact that I actually argue with myself about, as I sometimes don't want to be a fan of the horror genre. Why, because lets face it, most horror movies suck.

Lots of other genres have their fair share of crap, comedies have a consistently high supply of total crap, and look at all terrible action movies that come out each year. We have the awful romantic comedies, the mind-bogglingly awful dramas, and sci-fi movies that make you consistantly bang your head on the wall. (Though these are nearly as prolific as in the 50s for instance)

But horror movies have overcome the odds and manage to out suck all of these genres, possibly all of them put together. It's flooded with uber-shitty Halloween rip-offs, mostly crap torture movies (like Hostel) and those movies that try to mimic the supposedly great Japanese horror (not really sure since I haven't seen much Japanese horror) but fail at being good. Example, The Grudge. Don't even get me started on The Grudge. Also can't forget the crappy remakes to the good films, and even the crappy remakes of crap films. There are also a number of other horror movies that don't fall into any category I can think of at this time but they are usually pretty crap and star 'Famous Celebrity of the moment'. You know what I'm talking about.

Why is horror in such a crappy state, why has it sunk so low? (Not that it, arguably, was very high to begin with.) The answer is, I believe, that people are, for some reason, willing to accept complete and utter crap in this genre more than any other. The eighties was especially bad with fifty thousand shitty Friday the 13th rip-offs. (Not forgetting the movie was a rip-off itself), complete with no name actors who couldn't act, or maybe they could and it was so hard to tell and the dialogue was so appalling that no-one cared. Who cares if the dialog is good? Who cares if the actors can act? Who cares if the plot makes any sense whatsoever and isn't a rehash that completely contradicts the first movie altogether, the dumbass public will still lap this shit up and we'll rake in the proceeds.

We also get stuff like Hellraiser, which was a really original idea, and a good, if heavily flawed, especially in the special effects department, movie. The studios missed the point and with the exception of Part 2, almost all the sequels sucked. Trust the studios to not get it.

I'll say a small amount on the torture movies. I think the first Saw (Haven't actually seen the sequels) was pretty decent as the scenario was pretty well set up and it had a nice atmosphere throughout. I've seen better but I've seen far far worse. Hostel on the other hand was a complete piece of crap. Eli Roth seemingly wanted to copy the brilliance of Takashi Miike's 'Audition' (There's a movie you should check out). He however completly failed in this task by making the protagonists so annoying that you honestly couldn't care less if they died in the most painful of ways. The movie lacks in so many ways that I won't go into right now because that would take another post. Maybe in the future.

Maybe what horror really needs is the independents. People willing to take a risk. Give us something with some imagination. Don't go over the same old shit time and time again. Maybe what it really needs is for the public to stop accepting the total shit the horror genre is giving us. I wouldn't wait for that to happen anytime soon.

The best horror is actually happening in movies that aren't primarily labled as horror. Maybe those are the movies we should be turning our attention to, maybe they can save us from this dreck.

Movie outline.

Following Jeff's ponderings on the beginning of the universe I devised a sort of a plan for a movie explaining how the universe started. Some have said it slightly resembles a movie already in existence directed by that guy who directed that movie where Jack Nicholson goes crazy in a hotel in the middle of winter or something.

Anyway, it starts with scientists in space picking up a signal for help somewhere in the solar system, I don't know, by one of the near planets or something. One of the scientists for some reason has been reading Jeff's blog, and, thinking he's awesome, picks him to man the expedition there for some reason. Jeff, (who plays himself) thinks it's pretty cool he's been picked for a space mission despite the fact he has no training and there are lots of astronauts with lots of training who really wanted the job. Anyway, him and his friend, not sure which friend but we'll choose John for now, board the spacecraft and go into space.

Not sure of the specifics at this point but the scientists have provided stuff to keep them entertained during this time including a NES. Millions of dollars worth of space equipment and they get a NES for some reason. Anyway, as they are nearing their destination, the NES starts to act a little strangely, and conversations with it sentences are often garbled and hard to understand. (Hopefully the audience will just accept the fact that the NES is having conversations with them)

Anyway, something goes wrong with the left propeller or something (What do you mean they don't have propeller's in space ships? Pick something else then, I don't know, a rocket something or other) and John has to go outside to fix it, but the NES, which at this stage has snapped and gone evil, cuts the cable, sending John floating into space. Jeff, decides he has to retrieve his friends body, but fails in doing that, and then the NES locks him out. 'Open the pod bay doors NES' 'I'm sorry I can't do that Jeff' or dialogue like that. Anyway, somehow Jeff gets into the ship anyway, and then pulls apart the NES while it sings the theme tune to 'Super Mario Brothers' it gets slower and slower and slower until the NES finally dies.

After this, Jeff has no choice but to go outside and investigate the source of the distress call. It turns out to be a sort of a wormhole, which sucks him in. He yells out 'Help' and is sucked in. His cry is sent back in time a few months. Jeff on the other hand is sucked further and further back, through lots of special effects that look like those visualisations you get from some media players. Jeff arrives at the dawn of the time and explodes, creating the big bang and beginning the universe. It is subsequently proven that Jeff is the centre of the Universe.

I plan to shoot this on location in space, and I estimate the budget to be a few billion. I'm currently looking for backers.

Let me know what you think. A lot of these ideas were obviously Jeff's which I just elaborated on such as him being centre of the universe, but the others came from other some place entirely. One thing is for sure though, it's not a complete rip off of 2001 : A Space Odyssey.... Y'see.... It has no monkeys.............

SCO files for bankruptcy.

Back when I gave a crap about such things, I was routinely annoyed by a company by the name of SCO that decided Linux was infringing on it's copyright and decided to sue IBM or something, with anyone having half a brain telling these charges being complete and utter nonsense. To cut a long story very very short, and I am sorry I'm so late on this, SCO has recently filed for bankruptcy.

You can read about the whole ordeal here

and read about the the bankruptcy here

Isn't it nice.

Warner Converts to Blu-Ray. HD War all but over. Thank God.

Not that I have any particular love of Blu-Ray or dislike of HD-DVD, I just really wanted this crappy format war to be over. I was actually going to post here about how I refused to support either side until one of them became the victor but now it seems I don't have to. Paramount is still supporting HD-DVD for about 18 months or something but it's all coming down now which is nice.

If you want to read about it click here

Exciting News

As fans of movies, there are always movies we look forward to. I am looking forward to The Dark Knight, I am also looking forward to No Country for Old Men and Sweeney Todd even though everywhere else has already had them for ages. Here's a way to prevent movie piracy, simultaneous movie releases in all countries. Failing that at least make it only a few days apart, a week at most.

Back on topic however, there is a movie you will be thrilled to learn is being remade, a movie that you heard was getting a remake but thought was a joke, one of the few movies you just feel years for a remake, needs a remake, and if that remake should show up the world would be a better place, or at least you would enjoy it a lot for 90 minutes or however long the damn thing is.

The movie in question is Death to a Businessman. It's a story of many things, revenge, more revenge, some killing, exploding sequences, um, well it's an action movie. It has what may be construed as a love story at the very start but the writer/director insists there isn't one so we'll go with his vision. Basically a guy is hanging out with his girlfriend when she is killed in a hit and run by a businessman who pays the guy off. The guy then becomes an assassin, obsessed with killing businessman everywhere, with the businessman who killed her being the main one he is after. Why he goes after the other's I'm not sure but I'm sure there is a reason in there somewhere. The main character's name is Death Jimmy and he has some sort of gang consisting of some fairly weird characters. The Businessman for some reason also has a gang, and the assassin is intent on killing them all, if they don't kill each other first. The body count is bigger than Commando, some of the acting is good, especially from the corrupt cop, some of the acting, especially from the burglers and The aforementioned businessman is awful, and some of it is merely so/so. It's filmed all over christchurch from the gondola to the city centre, to the mountains to other places.

The remake however is said to be even more epic. Varied locations, not just in Christchurch but all over the city, new and better actors. A businessman who doesn't suck immensely, a larger budget, and more of a plan. It's said to follow the original plot pretty closely. Expect to see it in Cinemas around 2009/2010... maybe...

It'd be nice to film it in Alberta though.

American McGee's Alice

This is a game I finally got around to playing what seven years after it came out, but I've done far far worse in years past, and let me tell you, it's the most consistently fun video game I've played for a long time. I've been put off video games recently and sort of stopped playing them much because a lot of them just grated on me and felt more like work than actual fun. I had a lot of fun with Kingdom Hearts II, but parts of it grated on me. (Though not nearly as bad as it's predecessor, which consisted of way too much crap before the good stuff occured)

I decided to hunt down Alice after a recent obsession with the works of Lewis Carroll, and similarities to other things I was interested in and the fact I'd been meaning to play it for a long time and it sure was worth it. The storyline is interesting, compels you to follow it, the gameplay isn't too easy but it's certainly not hard enough to make you give up, and the level design really is a joy to behold.

Basically, if you don't know, it follows Alice, from 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' and 'Through the looking glass'. Her parents are killed in a housefire, but Alice escapes. (Possibly because she is warned by her friends from Wonderland.) She slumps into despair and winds up in an asylum. Eventually, around ten years later, after her sanity slips so far, she is called back into Wonderland. Wonderland however is, and always was in her mind however, but with the current state of her mind wonderland is warped beyond belief. The Cheshire Cat for instance, Alice's guide in Wonderland, is a sort of a scrawny gothic thing with an earing, The Duchess has cracked from hiding from the Queen of Hearts, the pepper has finally gotten to her. She's trying to make soup of the mock turtle. Humpty Dumpty is broken and smoking a pipe. Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee are running an asylum with horribly deformed children. My favourite character is certainly the Mad Hatter. He's really gone mad now and he's become obsessed with time and perfection. He's turned the march hair and the doormouse into deformed cyborgs and keeping their tea from them, he's turned himself into a robot as well, he seems to control the asylum, and he's repaired the Jabberwock from the damage down with the Vorpal Sword.Yes The Jackerwock is partly robotic now, the Queen's guardian.

Other interesting points are that instead of losing life Alice loses sanity, when she loses it all the game ends as her mind is completly gone. I didn't actually realise this on my first playthrough though so it makes no difference whatsoever. Her weapons, with the possible exception of the vorpal blade, are all toys, the deck of cards, the ice wand, and the croquet mallet. (As the Cheshire cat says, 'Here's a riddle for you, when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? Whenever you want it to be'.

All in all I highly recommend this game for anyone after an enjoyable and slightly different game. Also the voice acting is pretty awesome which is certainly a plus. It's available for Windows and Mac OS. They recently released a universal binary patch for it so you can play it with Intel Macs which is pretty cool.

Apparently there is a movie coming out this year. Currently Sarah Michelle Gellar is down for Alice, which is, I'm sorry to say, a horrible choice for the role. Oh well, could've been worse.